Daphne Ledward, Garden Planner, Gardener, Author and Broadcaster

Muffin's Blog

Mr Muffin on plumbing - and other things    by Mr Muffin

April 2013

I am told our bathroom was put in in 1978.   Thatís years before me great-grandma was born, and before John Ė and even Daff- moved here.  It had a terra cotta-coloured bathroom suite and lots of wasted space (Daff says).   Now Daff, after all the years of making do, has persuaded John to part with his money and have it refitted to provide a shower room so John can get his wheelchair in (Daff says)- only John doesnít need a wheelchair (yet, Daff says).   Daff says it will also be a lot more convenient to shower us hounds, as itís downstairs, especially Discit when she roles in fox poo.   At the moment, we all have to shake our wet coats all over the guest bedroom, which Daff doesnít like at all.   She also says she much prefers white sanitary fittings and tiles in a small bathroom, and, all in all, the bathroom was looking horribly old-fashioned.

I like a nice, warm shower Ė it brings my white coat up shiny bright and no-one notices the odd grey hairs (and dinner) round my muzzle after Iím all fluffy and clean.   Iím not fussy about fashion, but I really am looking forward to a short journey from the back door to the shower, instead of having to go through all through the bedrooms, and I sincerely hope the new job will be working before the Fen Bank Dog Show on 5th May.   Oh, I forget to tell you, Detective Chief Inspector (retired) Tom Barnaby is back.   Daff says she can cope with him now Johnís a lot better (and nobody wanted to adopt the self-opinionated prat at Fen Bank) so heís with us again, and he will appreciate a good scrub too, as his muzzle is always caked up with food and the girls seem attracted to certain parts of his anatomy that obviously need a thorough cleaning.

But the best thing about having a new bathroom (or should it be shower-room, as there isnít going to be a bath?) is that Daff thinks we shouldnít disturb the plumbers (or the electricians, either), and so weíre allowed to stay in the sitting room ALL DAY, instead of after 7pm, which are the usual house rules.   Itís always nice and warm in there, and if it gets a bit chilly, Daff lights the log burner, so itís really popular with all of us, except Mr Paddy, who would much prefer to sleep under the radiator in the dining room.   Until, that is, heís had his tea, which he insists on eating alone, after which he often takes my place on the settee, and I just canít get it into his thick head that all sofas are my province.   It can cause some grief, but usually I let him have his own way as heís going to be 10 years old next month, and Daff says geriatrics should be deferred to.   Iíve known him eight years, and heís always seemed senile to me.

The new shower will take at least two hounds and a groan-up, so Iím planning a shower party when itís all finished.   Of course, theyíll have to use it in shifts, as Iíve already got five dogs on my invitation list Ė the four Morgan greyhounds and Swift Courtney (or Dessie, as we knew him when he came to stay the night with us recently) Ė now, heís a gent, if ever I met one; I really hoped he was going to stay for good, but it seems we only get rubbish here.

If anyone else wants an invite to my shower party, youíd better let me know soon, as places (and sausages) are strictly limited.

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